venkon_exilefandomcom-20200213-history
Oof
As of writing this, the date is July 31, exactly three years and one day since I discovered the whole “war” ordeal, as well as the 320th day of my eternal exile. Three hundred and twenty days are definitely nothing compared to an eternity, but still. It’s a start. I swore to leave wikia, and for the most part I have, but since this wiki isn’t checked anymore, I thought I’d post one final thing. For my own closure, I guess. I do not intend for this to be read by anyone, be it Ivich or Venkon, but if you are reading through this then a warm greetings from me. I’ve been well. I currently find myself on vacation in a house very similar to the one I was at around this time three years ago by the beach, which I suppose is what made me think back. I go into huge memory tangents like that. But I digress. I would be lying if I said I did not check the wiki from time to time, mostly out of curiosity. I swore off checking it as soon as the verdict was announced and the ban was placed, but a couple of months later (I believe by January), I checked it and then I just kinda started doing so sporadically. As I am no longer a part of the loop according to the verdict, I don’t think that’ll “draw me in” or anything, and it’s really not like I can do anything. I have indeed given up all hope or thoughts of going back. Frankly, I would be lying if I said the thought hasn’t crossed my head a couple of times, but I always shut it out. There’s just no room for those kinds of thoughts in exile, eh? In any case, without going into too much detail on my personal life, I suppose it’s improved exponentially since I was exiled. I’m not sure if attributing it to the exile proper is correct, but as I’ve had nothing better to do I’ve focused on living, and that’s been a huge help. Sure, sometimes I have bouts of melancholy, but nowhere near the enormous temper tantrums of my time as a venkon, so I am at least thankful for that. Speaking of, I’ve purged any and all references to venkons from my iPad, as well as any old memes and such. I wouldn’t want someone going through my old shit discovering a link or some shit and then freaking out. I’d love to say that this is the last time I’ll think about the war, but it’s not that simple. I guess I was there for so long that it’s been firmly entrenched in my memory. There’s no forgetting that place. Still, I hope this is the last time I give it serious thought. Serious thought breeds plots, and I really prefer to stay alive, thank you very much. Not that I know what happens when I die. Heaven? Hell? Eternal pit of darkness? Not sure. I’ll admit, the thought does scare me. I guess I’ve dwelled on my mortality quite a bit since my exile. I was raised, and still sorta consider myself, a Catholic. It’s strange, actually, it seems that I switch between believing in the Catholic faith wholeheartedly and believing in the loop. I suppose it’s a transitional effect or something. I don’t know. I haven’t had any encounters with anything like the many save for the occasional dream (most of which are nonsensical). I guess that’s a side effect of my banishment. No need to go after me if I’m not part of it all, eh? That’s good for me at least. I don’t know how I’d live with myself if they got ahold of my family. I remember when one of them, Forks I believe, threatened to sacrifice my cat. Looking back I chuckle a little, but still, I’d rather that not happen. As for the state of the war, something I have absolutely no business in, I won’t comment on it. I just hope the venkons win. I’m probably going to regret not adding something to this later, but at the moment I don’t have much more to speak of. I doubt I will post here again, but you never know. Ave atque vale. BlackSmithy